You Took Me For Granted.

Weeks has passed by, I still have questions which leads to a consistent state of confusion, and my broken heart still hasn’t healed.
I should’ve written this a long time ago but for some reasons, I did not.
You may not be the first person who broke my heart but you were my first love (now that makes it more heartbreaking). You gave me joy on my bad days, made me laugh uncontrollably when I didn’t even want to smile, but you made me cry in so many ways.
I loved you with all my heart, gave you the time only a few can afford, prioritized you more than anyone else—and these are written in past forms because we’re done. I still love you with all my heart, that will never change. But perhaps, I overslept and this was all just a dream. I thought you were my knight in shining armor who’ll save me from the hell where I’m being kept but I was completely wrong.
You were a rock I chose to hit my head with. It did hurt and I thought I wouldn’t be able to bear the pain but thank God, I did.
I had so many disappointments after what happened between us. I was disappointed because I invested my precious time into someone who doesn’t care at all. I was disappointed that I fell for all your lies and empty promises. I was disappointed because I exerted so much of my efforts to someone who does nothing but to take me for granted, and lastly, I was disappointed for loving you more than I did myself.
But do you know what’s more disappointing? It’s when I was too confident about your faithfulness in our relationship and trusted you too much then you broke my heart when you tried to flirt with some other girls.
Do you know what’s funny? It is when I chose to forgive you, to trust you again, and to hope that it won’t happen again but you did the crime, AGAIN. I thought I felt bad when you did it the first time but it was much worse when you committed the same mistake twice. This time, I lost all the confidence I had in myself and I’m still trying to bring back every piece of my identity.
Do you know what’s even more disturbing? It is when you don’t consider flirting as cheating. You had your countless reasons, but I guess I was too good to be true and since I was so head over heels to you, I forgave you, again. As I recall this event in our lives, I can really say now that I was too stupidly in love with you.
Moving forward, I’ve tried my best to erase the bitter memories of your “friendly encounters” with those other girls. I tried to love you with no doubts but trust me, it was really hard. I have trust issues, I doubt myself even more and I’ve became even more jealous and insecure. Do you know how powerful you were? You made me feel unwanted, unloved, and unworthy simultaneously. Now, did that made you feel so amazing? Did I help you in uplifting your manly ego?
I am not writing this now to feed you with all the pains I had when I was with you but to thank you, rather. I want to thank you for all the pains you’ve caused me for it made me stronger. I want to thank you for wasting my time because it made me realized how vital time is. I want to thank you for wasting the efforts I have exerted for you because I learned to choose the right people worthy of my efforts. Lastly, I want to thank you for taking me for granted because it’s the main reason why I have managed to revise my standards and made it a little bit higher to ensure my heart’s safety.
I am not blaming you for everything. I had my shortcomings along the way but I don’t think it’s a valid reason for you to commit infidelity. It’s not a valid reason to leave me for my dishonesty, when you were dishonest the whole time. Besides, it was always I that was always raising concerns about the issues in our relationship and you were always busy and didn’t have the capacity to spare some time to talk about it.
The world is so small and I know time will come that our paths will cross again. When that time happens, you’ll see the happiness in my eyes because I have already freed myself from the imprisonment of your chain of pain. I wish you no harm, but happiness. A piece of advice, if you ever love me again, love me the best way that you can but not the same way you did the first time because you have no idea how painful it was to be loved like that.


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