Trying To Let You Go.

Out of all the people I fell in love with, you were the one who I pictured a life with. Not any life, but the life I’ve always wanted. You were the one that I felt something with I have never felt before. You were the one where it made sense. You were the one of my dreams. You were a wish that came true too soon. A dream that turned to a nightmare, a disappointment, a heartache.

Please believe me when I say that I forgive you. 

I don’t hate you, but I most definitely hate the way you let me go. 

And I’ll never understand how easily you did it. I’ll never understand how flawlessly you forgot about me. But, I forgive you because I really loved you. I forgive you because I don’t want to give you power over the person I am and the future I could possibly have. I forgive you because I don’t need you to tell me what the truth is. I forgive you because that’s just who I am.
This is me letting you go. I’m accepting the fact that you don’t want me. That someday, you’ll be waking-up next to someone who isn’t me. And that someday you’ll be someone’s everything. I’m letting go of hope that you’ll contact me. I’m letting go of fantasizing that you’ll tell me you’re sorry about everything just one last time. That you’ll tell me how much you missed me, but most importantly, that you’ll show it. I’m letting go of my desire that you’ll let me in, not half-way, not sort of but completely. I’m letting go of me thinking that you’ll come back because it’s always been me. I’m letting you go. And it’s not because I don’t love you still.
I’m letting you go because I want to be happy. I know that without you, I am not happy. I need to find my medium place where I am happy regardless. A place without memories of you in it, a place without a picture of you in it as well. I need to start over.
I’m letting you go because you gave-up. You gave-up on me, you gave-up on us, you gave-up on love. And so I get it when you said you had nothing to fight for. I’m letting you go because loving you has no meaning if it only pains me. Because I can’t tell what’s real anymore. And because it’s my last resort. I’m letting you go because slowly but surely you too, let me go. 

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