You Were Just A Douchebag In Disguise.

I’m just going to dedicate and or direct this to my favorite guy that was really good at playing the nice guy card and fooling me into thinking I had found a diamond in the rough. When really it just turns out you’re fantastic at pretending to be the good guy because you’re really just a douche.

I’m going to mark this one down as another lesson learned. A really unfair and crappy lesson to learn by the way. You’ve taught me what to look for though, in regards to the traits and types of men I need to steer clear of.

You opened up and let me in, briefly, and I trusted you with things I didn’t share with many people because I thought you were different. Ha, I guess the real joke was and is on me. You wanted me when it was convenient for you, which is a dickish move.

I thought maybe things could change, we could do it your way for awhile and something would click inside that head of yours. That hiding somewhere inside of you was this romantic version of you that would come out and re-sweep me off my feet. That would stop feeding me these “I’m better off single” lines or “I can’t give you what you want” crap.

I made countless excuses for you and your behavior towards me to my friends. They told me what you were doing wasn’t fair to me. They told me to tell you to fuck off, to stop playing with my emotions. They told me I deserve better.

You know what? They’re absolutely 100% correct.

I do deserve better. 

You made me feel bad for caring. Who does that? I apologized for worrying about you, for sharing my emotions with you. I let you make me feel needy and burdensome. I let you wear me down into thinking I wasn’t going to be anything more than a girl you just sleep with and leave the next day.

However, the only person I should really be apologizing to is myself. I should apologize to my heart for letting it get pulled through the ringer again. I should apologize for letting it go on for so long. I should apologize to myself for letting me think that there was something wrong with me, something that made me undesirable and unlovable.

I’d tell my friends they’re right and I’m sorry I didn’t listen to them sooner, because I know they were just trying to save me some tears and heartbreak.

I don’t regret you, I’ve said that so many times and I really don’t. We had some great times together. I however,  know that I’m coming out on top in this situation, so the jokes on you. I’m a stronger woman for what has transpired between us.

There’s this moment that kind of clicks when you realize you’re not crazy or in the wrong for wanting more from the person whom you’re romantically involved with. It may have taken me longer to get there, but it’s okay cause I’m there now.

You see, I can look at my reflection in the mirror and I see a beautiful, intelligent, funny, sarcastic, kick-ass woman who is going to do great things. More importantly, I see a girl who doesn’t need you. I wonder what you see when you look at yourself in the mirror. I’m pretty sure you’re so far into the charades that the real you is lost.

The difference now is that I see through all that bs and I’m no longer fooled.

There may be a time when you’ll miss me, some sort of light bulb will click, but don’t worry I’ll be okay. I learned from the best on how to only care about myself. So that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

So thanks for the tips.

XOXO,

The girl who sees right through you and is no longer impressed.

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