Being called insecure is always used as one of the worst ways to criticize or hurt a woman, like being called “needy” or “crazy,” we get branded with this label because men cannot handle giving a little bit more in a relationship, or having to mature and accept that we are not always the type who will down ten shots and flash anybody that happens to be looking.
We are talked down to and tarnished because we feel pain, because we have been hurt multiple times and somewhere along the way just accepted that we are less than, not as deserving, not worthy.
We are forever comparing ourselves to the perfect women on TV and in movies, in the magazines and those filtered photo-shopped selfies on Instagram. We wonder why in the hell we weren’t born with a body or a face like that. And not only that, with social media allowing us to dive into the past, we get to compare ourselves to your exes, random sluts, and even hear stories about your sexual history before we came along and we are constantly living in this spiral of comparisons. Truth is, being insecure does not make someone a terrible girlfriend or wife, it does not make her “exhausting” or “unfixable” or “too much work.” It makes her human, it makes her a product of her environment and experiences and makes her want to be the best that she can be.
Loving an insecure woman quite simply means having a heart and learning to see the world through her eyes. And I’m not saying it will be easy, I am not saying the fears will always be rational, but to her they are the most real thing in the world; they are the truth.
So when she catches you staring at another woman and she makes a comment or goes instantly quiet before eventually finding the words to tell you why she is withdrawn, do not belittle her, do not even deny it, quite simply tell her she is the only girl for you, that she is more beautiful than anyone who passes you. Something as simple as a comment of reassurance goes so far to a woman struggling to love herself, and in all honesty, it’s what she needs. She needs to know she is wanted.
When she questions you about your past or tells you that it makes her uncomfortable to see that you are still friends with someone you have a past with or that you liked one of their pictures, do not lash out, do not call her “crazy” or belittle her, pull her in close and remind her how much you care about her and how much you want her. Reassurance is the absolute only thing that can resolve insecurity issues. Make her feel noticed, special and adored. Never use her insecurities against her; never make her feel bad for having them in the first place.
Because before you, someone made her doubt herself and her worth. Someone failed to compliment her on the days she needed it most and pushed her fears to one side, someone failed to stand up and be the man she needed, the man she deserved. And in loving you, in trusting you will not be the same she is giving you a chance; a chance to prove that she is worthy, that her insecurities are not a deal-breaker, that someone will listen to her, reassure her and promise her that no matter how hard it gets you will not give up on her. Pay attention to those quiet moments when her thoughts are somewhere else and pull her close to you when all she needs is the comfort of your skin against hers.
Insecure women are not “damaged” or “broken,” they have just been silenced by those who are not willing to listen or accept responsibility for shitty actions or quite simply say “sorry.” They are the brave ones, the ones who still accept love, still try to make things work, still hope to find someone worth trusting. And more than that, they know how to love because they would never want anyone to feel the way they do. They would never want to chip away at a person. So love them back, love them for all of their beauty, their fearlessness, their courage. Love them, even when they cannot love themselves, even when they push you away, even when it means serious conversations late into the night.
Love them, because being insecure is not the worst thing a woman can be.