I really don’t like you. The reason I say I don’t like you isn’t because I truly dislike you. It’s because I wish I didn’t like you as much as I do. I’m crazy about you in actuality.
I’ve always prided myself in being the girl who doesn’t need a guy to give her happiness or purpose. Then you came around and I don’t even know what to do with myself anymore. You’re literally going through my mind so much during the day that it begins to scare me.
I’ve always been good at avoiding catching feelings because I rather save my heart from the heartache. Then you came around and liking you is completely inevitable. I hate to find myself in this position, that I haven’t been in, in so long. I’ll admit I’m extremely scared and trying to fight these feelings. It feels like liking you may even be one of the seven deadly sins because I know it’ll only end up devastating for me. How can something that feels so wrong, also feel so right?
I know I know I know, that you’re nothing like the other guys. I believe that one with all of my heart. Knowing your mindset on life make me sure you’re a good one. I’ve gotten to know you and have faith in you. But I’m still worried about you breaking my heart, I’m worried about me breaking my own heart by falling for you.
I tried to avoid liking you because I feel like I will never be enough for you, or you’ll never be truly interested. It’s so hard not to fall for you, whenever I look at you I see a work of art. Your smile might be the most addictive drug to me. It’s all about the way you laugh when you’re amused, to seeing the determination you have when you’re passionate about something. It’s all so beautiful. Every moment spent with you I feel amazing through your presence. You bring the absolute best out of me.
I have no idea how you feel towards me. Some days it feels like you feel what I feel. I just don’t want to be the idiot girl who leads herself on, and blames the guys for being nice to her.
I don’t expect anything from you. I can’t. These are my feelings, even if they’re feelings I don’t necessarily want. I’ll learn to live with them.
I’m probably going to push my feelings to the side and make sure you never know of this, why? Because I respect you. I respect our mutual friends with benefits agreement. I respect that we both said we wasn’t looking for anything serious and I don’t want to ruin this. I also don’t want you to look at me any differently if you don’t feel the same way. What we have is an amazing thing. You’re always here to listen to me complain about my day and make everything better, even if just temporarily. If I am ever conflicted with something you always know the right things to say, and you share your thoughts with me. How couldn’t I like you? It’s nearly impossible. I thank God for you every night. You’re the kind of guy I’ve always prayed to meet, but you’re also the kind of guy I’d rather have in my life as just a friend, then to not have in my life at all. Even though it would be nice to have you be more than that. I’ve realized that sometimes the connection means more than the title and if it comes down to that I’m willing to do that for the sake of us.